Bare with me. Originally, I was going to record a video explaining the song but...I'm camera shy lol. That's weird for a rapper to say, I know, I'm working on breaking out of that little by little. Hopefully by the end of the year I'll stop letting my insecurities hold me back....Anyways....

 

A few years back, I don't remember the exact timeframe, A LOT was going on in my life and the lives of the people around me. My wife and I weren't seeing eye yo eye, divorce was a serious conversation we were having, my niece attempted suicide, family members stopped talking to each other, it seemed like every marriage I knew of was failing, COVID was running rampant....in short, it was hard to find GOOD news. 

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Initially, I started writing the song to my wife after a huge argument we had. I started off with only this part:

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I don’t like to open up

Even when I know that I need to

I don’t pick up the phone

Or even read through your text

Until everything seems to

Fall

Don’t want to live like that

I just wanna hear you

Call

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Then I got stuck, began to pray and all that I kept praying for was God to help me fix everything I've been destroying. That's where the next line came in. 

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I’m tryna right my wrongs

And watch you do it

All

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Then our niece attempted suicide and I wanted to speak to her but I couldn't find the words to say to her face to face besides giving her a huge hug and just saying I love you. One thing about me, I tend to not say much because it takes me more time than normal to process my emotions and filter my thoughts. A good week, maybe more passed and I happened to come back to the beat for this song. The hook for the song flowed out like water, I could barely type on my phone fast enough to keep up with the words in my head.

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I know you’re going through something I know

But you ain’t got to go through them things alone

I know you’re going through something I know

But I want to let you know you’re not alone

 

I just kept repeating it over and over and eventually the tears started rolling and God started to minister to me. I wanted to open up because I deal with thoughts of suicide from time to time; I know what it's like to feel like you're better off dead, like your unwanted, like you mess up EVERYTHING your involved in, but something was blocking me.

 

At the same time, I was getting flashbacks and memories of what I was going through when I started writing this song and I started to talk to God again. I needed help. It's funny because when I showed my wife the lyrics, she heard my heart even though we were going through it. The whole next portion, I was talking to both her and God.

 

Without God, life is pointless, hard and the suffering won't end. For me, as a man and human, losing my wife means I've lost everything worth living for.

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Don’t wanna hold back

I just wanna break free

Cus what’s life mean

If there’s no you and me

There’s no progress without a process

You can’t stop if you don’t start it

I know it’s hard to digest but hear this heart pumping out my chest cus

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At this point, I'm reading through my lyrics, thinking about everything going on and realizing how messed up I've been and that even though everything LOOKS bad, God's still with me. Worship began to enter my heart and mind, he was opening my eyes to what all of the pain and hurt was getting rid of in my life, he showed me the light at the end of the tunnel. He reminded me that he will turn my mourning into dancing, that he uses all things for the good of those that love him. I'm pretty sure I love him lol. That's where the whole second verse came in. 

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Was it really true when you said it

That you would die for me?

Cus with this life I lead

I wouldn’t die for me, if I were you

But you did and I don’t deserve it

But it’s worth going through the storm when I know you’re working

So it’s more than words when I hear you say that

That you are mine

And I am yours

You knew my name

Before my birth

Every time that I’m lost I know I got a guide

I know I gotta try, my God

Every time that I’m lost I know I got a guide

I know I gotta try my God

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I wasn't expecting my wife to be on the song at all when I first started writing it but after I recorded it, it felt...bland. It was missing the worship feeling I was looking for. We used to lead praise and worship at our last church home so it was only right to rekindle something that we both thought died when we left there. (That's another story for another time) Luckily she liked the song and was excited to be a part of it, the rest is history.

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Side note: I purposely put a comma between "try" and "my God" and took it away the second time. Sometimes we want to give up and all God wants you to do is TRY, he'll handle the rest. Other times, we don't see God working so we try everything in our power to do what we expect him to do instead of simply trying to put our faith in him. It's crazy how a simple comma can change the meaning of a sentence lol.

 

That's it!

Thank you for reading through the journey I went through during the writing process of I Know. One day I'll make it easier for the both of us and just record a video lol...pray for me.